I did not intend to write about the serious changes occurring in my family for some time. However, I naively thought that an obscure facebook comment would go unnoticed. Since it has caused quite the stir, I feel it only just that I address my recent decisions on my blog.
I am leaving the LDS church. This decision has not been easy to make. Our way of life, our friends, our beliefs-everything stems from this church. I feel that by making a break with it, I am in essence changing not only my life forever but that of my family's as well. However, I feel so strongly about this that it must be done. I can no longer continue attending and believing in the LDS church.
This decision has been coming for many years. To begin with, I was baptized in to the church without a testimony or belief in Joseph Smith or the Book of Mormon. However, I had good feelings about it and felt that a belief would develop. I was wrong. I have however, made wonderful friends I hope for life and love the emphasis on family that the church provides. I believe that the people in the church are some of the kindest and most service oriented people that I have met.
But I can no longer pretend to believe the doctrine of the church. Recently, I came across some information provided by LDS sources that confirmed some of my reservations about Joseph Smith and the Book of Mormon. Until then, I had not listened or given much credence because I was sure that the 'proof' stemmed from individuals out to attack the church. However, when sources from the church have confirmed these questions, I could no longer continue.
I have had these feelings for at least the last six or seven years and only now have had the courage to act on them. I know many will not understand. I know many will want to argue with me. I hope that is not so. I do not intend to cause dissension or belittle what people believe. Just because I am disillusioned does not mean that I wish to persuade my LDS friends to come with me.
Terry has chosen to remain active in the church and I respect that. We have a lot to work out as far as what will be best for our family in the future. I know that I have added a new level of difficulty in my marriage but I can no longer sit by passively. For me, I feel better than I have in a long time. I feel like I am waking up from a long sleep and am looking forward to what the future may bring. I hope that we can look to our friends and family for support during this time as we face new obstacles. The road will not be easy, but it will be worth it.
Pokemon
2 years ago
17 Comments:
So sorry to hear that. how do your kids feel about it? Do you have another religion you are leaning towards? I love hearing about your adventures...glad we can keep up someway even it if it electronically ;)Good luck with your journey for peace with the Lord. Would you mind messaging me a link to your LDS source...just curious.
Julie-I don't have another religion that I'm leaning toward. I suppose that is my next adventure. I posted the link to the podcast that I listened to for you!
Ryann, those are some legitimate concerns and ones I have had questions about myself. Obviously you and I have come to some different conclusions. I think you are probably right in assuming that some people may want to argue with you, especially when you state that "all of this is proven," when referring to some of your concerns about Joseph Smith. If anyone else has similar questions, here are a couple links I have found very helpful: http://en.fairmormon.org/ and http://www.jefflindsay.com/LDSFAQ/index.html. They are obviously biased in favor of pro-LDS explanations. Nevertheless, they provide some counterpoints to your conclusions that others might find useful.
I just wanted to make a quick comment. I am a scientific thinker, a skeptic and analytical in ALL things, including the gospel of Jesus Christ. I think that you are showing great courage in following your heart, and sharing it with all of us, when you know that it may cause criticism, and even the destruction of relationships. Ok, I just realized this won't be a quick comment. ;)
Every time I hear the word "proven", this little person inside my head gets all excited and starts prompting me to do crazy things, like read research in my free time, however, very few things in this life can actually be PROVEN, and the things in this life that are the most worthwhile cannot be proven, or are even tangible, like the love that you feel for your children. And those are the things that make life worth living.
I have heard all that you posted about Joseph Smith, plus some. I've studied, read pamphlets, checked sources, etc. The best source I have found in regards to the topic you mention is this one: http://en.fairmormon.org/First_Vision
and I don't post it for you, as you have made up your mind, but others reading may find it interesting to read the various versions of the first vision for themselves.
Interestingly, none of this bothers me, or prompts me to leave the church. I know that Joseph Smith was not a fraud, however, I cannot prove it.
Although you are not asking for advice, at some point in the far future, you may look back and think "was this the right decision?" and when that happens, I would encourage you to do one simple thing: read the Book of Mormon, every day for 6 months. Even just one verse. If you are openly looking for a second confirmation, it will come.
On that note, and with love I leave you with this scripture: 1 Ne 11:17, "...I know that He loveth His children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things".
He will guide you to where you need to be, regardless of where we all think you need to be. :) <3
I'm glad you are standing for what you believe in. It does take a lot of courage. Please know that God will still be there for you, you will always be a Child of God.
Love you Ryann, I appreciate the links previous commenters have put up but for me who also struggles with these issues - man it would mean the world to me if the church would address them head-on.
You are so strong, brave, and honest to be sharing your beliefs with all of us. I think your heart will lead you in the right direction and I think it has by the way you now feel. Hoping to see you and the kids when you are up in Springfield next! Erin
You are pretty brave, Ryann. I know many people would love to argue and try to debate you. I know you are strong and appreciate you sharing these very being honest about the things you researched. Like I said on FB, my heart is heavy about this since I have feel so very differently. Darin mentioned to me the book Rough Stone Rolling which helped him understand Joseph Smith better. I know you have made up your mind, but I at least wanted to share that with you.
And I still want to talk about the cruise with you sometime!!!
ok-so my comment doesn't make sense-what I meant to say was that you are brave to be open about those hard to discuss things.
Ryann,
C'est une décision qui n'appartient qu'à toi et qui ne doit pas être jugée -
En revanche tu m'inquiètes par rapport à ton mariage - penses-tu que vous allez vous séparer ?
Tu comprendras que j'écris en français pour que tu sois la seule à comprendre...
Je t'embrasse très fort et pense fort à toi
Hey Ryann, I'll send you an email but just for those who are reading your blog it's probably worth clarifying that the various recordings of the first vision have been covered multiple times in Church Ensign articles. Also the other issues raised are taught in the instiute manual called Chruch History in the Fullness of Times and also are recorded in the official History of the Church. We own both of these books so it's freely available information. This stuff is taught and is taught with the surrounding context and history so is not as sensational as it appears.
I know you won't take this as me getting at you Ryann, I really value your friendship and plan on it long term(I'm planning that book club trip at your house!)I just want to show people where they can look for information.
Hope you are having a great day xxx
Redacted blog? Facts are facts, Joseph Smith had multiple wives and different versions of his encounter with God and used a seer stone. If from Heaven, why would LDS not shout these truths from the rooftops? You have a hard road ahead, my friend, let the truth of Jesus Christ be your guide.
I find it much simpler to not believe in any sort of God. The good in my life and the bad are both for my benefit. If there was some all loving, all powerful being...there just couldn't be some of the types of tragedies in the world that there are.
If God does exist and I am wrong. Then I'll pay for my error. Now, I am living my life on my terms. Without the added boundaries.
Best advice I've ever been given or I have given: listen to everyone's advice, consider what they had to say, ponder those ideas and suggestions. When that is done...do whatever the heck you want! It's your life!
With love and empathy to how you feel,
A friend.
I wouldn't for a moment think I could learn something now that Hyrum, or John Taylor or Brigham Young didn't know about Joseph -- yet they stayed with him. Satan is the Father of Lies and I expect him to fill the earth with lies about that which is most important. I also expect him to try to trick me in every way possible.
I don't know why, but for some reason I felt I needed to send this to you:
http://www.fairlds.org/FAIR_Conferences/2005_Faith_Cognitive_Dissonance_and_the_Psychology_of_Religious_Experience.html
Please don't let Satan trick you into addictive behaviors while you look for the answers you seek, that's his next step.
We love you.
Ryann,
Ta décision est celle guidée par ta conscience et ne se juge pas. Je souhaite vivement que ta famille reste unie et que ton mari soit aidé par sa foi et l'amour qu'il te porte pour accepter ton choix. Beaucoup de couples sont de confession différente et savent mener leur vie en pleine harmonie. J'ai beaucoup de respect et d'admiration pour ta démarche, je t'aime très fort.
ta seconde famille
Why must it be one or the other? Seems sad that there is no room for someone else's opinion.
Ryann, I'm sorry to hear about your loss of faith. I'd explain why the things you mention aren't problematic for me, but in my experience it is not the particular shoals that catch our testimonies but more general spiritual heavy weather pushing onto the lee shore that is the issue. Good luck as your spiritual journey takes another turn.
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